How to change the love brain?
A few days ago, I came across a question: How can I change my love mindset?
As someone who has evolved from a typical love brain to a non love brain, I would like to share my insights with everyone.
First of all, I want to ask you, do you unconsciously make love the center of your life once you start dating?
After leaving the other person, do you only want to chat with them on your phone without any personal life arrangements?
Do emotions often fluctuate due to the other person?
If so, congratulations, you have a love brain.
The root of the love brain is that you have never thought about what liking or love is, let alone developing a healthy and happy relationship.
So, ultimately, it’s about changing one’s thinking habits and lifestyle.
To learn independent thinking, to have something to love and pursue, and to know exactly what one wants.
Understand what liking is and experience love and being loved.
As someone who used to be very romantic, I have the following suggestions for this:
1. Read more books
The world in books is completely different from these social media platforms. Books will not make you feel inferior, anxious, or envious of others. Books can make you calm, temporarily escape from the world, and experience yourself.
Books will reshape your worldview and make you fall in love with independent thinking.
For the question of “avoiding the love brain”, I would like to recommend three books: “The Art of Love”, “Intimate Relationships”, and “The Veil”.
The Art of Love tells us the essence of love and how to love.
Intimate Relationships “teaches us how to manage a relationship and accept the other person and face ourselves calmly in an intimate relationship.
The Veil “is a novel by Maugham, depicting the fall and awakening of a woman.
It tells the story of the female protagonist who travels to a wider world, witnesses the cruelty of life and the brilliance of humanity, and gains inner peace and self redemption.
2. Develop hobbies
A life with hobbies is really different! If you truly love something, you will be very focused.
The best state is to enter flow.
You, who are in flow, can overcome time and gain satisfaction by focusing.
That is a happiness that no one can take away.
When you experience this kind of happiness, you will think to yourself: I can be very happy alone, and love must make me more complete and happy.
I don’t want to be hurt by scumbags, why.
3. Ask yourself what traits you like about the other person
Liking is not a habit formed after being together for a long time or simply feeling that he is good to you, but rather that he has qualities that you appreciate.
If you can’t express what you appreciate about him, then most likely it’s just spending time together and keeping each other warm.
My ex boyfriend was like this.
At that time, I was still young and immature, so I was with him because he chased after me fiercely and treated me very well.
In a blink of an eye, it’s been three years.
For most of these three years, I have been in a state of being awkward and accommodating to him.
For example, I admire guys who are calm and low-key, but they have a more outgoing and flamboyant personality. Whenever they encounter small things, they will share them on QQ space.
I often despise him because of this matter. He always comes to coax me, saying he will definitely change.
However, even if he changes again, he cannot meet the standard of “low-key” in my heart.
Looking back now, we are not from the same world at all.
I have no right to make him change the traits that I think are bad about him.
I don’t appreciate it, naturally others will appreciate it.
In short, you need to find someone you know why you like.
Don’t be impulsive, don’t get on top! Before deciding to date, it is important to carefully consider one’s own thoughts and feelings.
4. If there are any problems, speak up and solve them as soon as possible
Some girls like to keep things bottled up in their hearts, accumulate them to a critical point, and then explode.
Leaving aside the outcome after the outbreak, the process of accumulation will be very difficult for oneself.
Not only is there severe internal friction, but there is also a growing sense of disappointment towards the boyfriend.
I suggest that if you have any questions, speak up quickly and work together to solve them.
Maybe the other person really doesn’t have this string and doesn’t even realize that he’s making you unhappy. Don’t twist your heart and think that the other person doesn’t love you. Harming others does not benefit oneself!!!
Moreover, in the process of solving the problem, you can also see his character more clearly.
If he is willing to communicate well with you, remember the points that made you angry, and not repeat them next time, then he is a good man;
If you procrastinate, are too lazy to communicate with you, and feel that you are too narrow-minded, then you need to reconsider your relationship.
5. Don’t overthink every word your boyfriend says
Boys are always a bit more carefree than girls.
Sometimes if a sentence unintentionally hurts you, just ask him what it means, don’t overthink it.
This can prevent mental exhaustion and also help to get through the adjustment period faster.
Also, don’t fall into inferiority just because your boyfriend denies you. Your first reaction should be to ask him questions, not to doubt yourself!!!
I have a friend who is studying in a non double major university, and her boyfriend is also from this school.
She is very ambitious and chose a 211 school in Beijing for her postgraduate entrance examination. She excitedly asked her boyfriend if he wanted to apply to this school together.
He said in the picture, “Just you? Don’t worry, let’s take a look at our school
I was really angry when I heard this, thinking to myself that if I were her, I would definitely retaliate.
However, my friend said her thought at the time was: if even the closest people don’t believe me, I may really not be able to do it.
I quickly comforted her and helped her regain her confidence, and also asked her to have a serious conversation with her boyfriend about the postgraduate entrance examination.
So, be confident, sisters. Don’t think you are not good enough just because your boyfriend says one or two words. In fact, your potential is unlimited!
Love must be a process of mutual achievement and co creation.
Remember, you are an independent individual.
Indeed, true love can make you more fulfilled and happy, and also make your life more fulfilling. However, without love, you can still live well.
When you subjectively feel that you no longer need love, you are ready to embrace it.
