The most correct way for couples to argue
Today, let me first share the correct way to argue
The correct way of arguing should be guided by discovering and solving problems
Discovering problems can increase mutual understanding and solve problems, which can avoid further conflicts between both parties
To achieve better relationships with more arguments, you can refer to the following 6 principles
1. Relieve anger
If your anger is overwhelming, it is recommended that you take a few deep breaths in the bathroom or wash your face to relieve your emotions before communicating with the other person.
No one can communicate rationally in an angry situation. Angry communication will make you say a lot of hurtful things to the other person
2. Clarify your needs
If you feel angry, you first need to think clearly about what needs you have not been satisfied, and consciously use “I am angry because I need…” instead of “I am angry because he
I’m angry because I need my boyfriend’s respect VS
I’m angry because he said I’m as fat as a pig
The former focuses on your needs; The latter focuses their attention on the other person.
The former can help you reduce anger and restore rationality; The latter will only make you increasingly angry.
3. Clarify the other party’s needs
If the other person is the one who started the “argument” but used indirect language, you can clarify their true needs by listening and asking. You can refer to the following script
You seem very angry, can you tell me why? “” Do you want me to remember your birthday and prepare gifts for you every time you have a birthday? Tell me, what should I do“
People who are used to beating around the bush may find it difficult to directly articulate their needs, so you need to have enough patience to slowly guide and inquire.
4. Express your feelings and needs
After clarifying your needs, you can use the four steps of nonviolent communication to express your feelings and needs: observation+feelings+needs+requests.
Observation: What did the other person do/didn’t do that made you angry
Feeling: What are your specific feelings, besides anger or maybe sadness?
Need: What is it that your needs have not been met that has caused you to experience the above feelings?
Request: What do you need the other party to do specifically?
5. If it was you who did the wrong thing, sincerely apologize
You can use the following apology formula: Sorry+Specific mistake made+Promise to change/Request for compensation
Promise changes and requests for compensation need to focus on the other party’s needs. For example, if the other party’s needs are that you can respect them, then your promise should be not to label them as fat or stupid, nor to shout at them
If the other party is unable to meet your needs
Sometimes, both parties have clearly defined their needs, but the other party cannot change them.
If it’s not an intolerable issue of principle, you can choose to open up and seek compromise one by one to change yourself and influence the other party.
Of course, if it’s a matter of principle, or if it’s not a big problem but you don’t want to endure it, you can also choose to leave
In my opinion, learning how to argue correctly is also a compulsory subject in relationships. The best state between couples is not to have no disputes at all, but to be able to communicate through arguments and better integrate with each other.
Looking back on what changed after my husband and I had so many arguments, it’s probably that we’re no longer afraid of fighting. Because the more we argue, the more we know what the other person cares about, which allows us to avoid many useless disputes in advance.
Of course, we also learned to give each other steps. If you don’t really want to break up, even if the other party gives you a few millimeters of small steps, you should seize the time to jump in.
Ultimately, the best state of argument for lovers is to take every conflict seriously. As long as there is a good pattern of argument between each other, even if conflicts arise, it can lead to an upward trend in emotions.
The happiest thing in a romantic relationship is not finding someone who spoils you, but someone who can argue with you seriously. So I hope today’s video can help you, and I also hope you can find the person who is getting louder and more inseparable from you.
Of course, if you haven’t found the person you’re arguing with yet, then I wish you all success in getting out of singlehood
